20 Funniest Newspaper Headlines ever

What goes around, comes around! Click the pic to read the article online.



Talk about funny headlines...!






Civil War planes? Lemme know how that works out...



Must be one of those celebrity-without-makeup pictures...



And you wonder why...






Yeah, don't you hate those guys at DOE who do the NEPA's EIS on BNFL's AMWTP at INEEL after SRA protests?



"This is an artist's conception of the Mount Pleasant High School football field Friday after an electrical transformer blew, knocking out the stadium lights."



"We had no idea anyone was buried there"



"I wouldn't do it again" says the hero, "she's been a pain this week"









Please, if you've seen this man...



What are the odds of that?









Mistress of the universe... Now that sounds like a lot of work!



Here's the winner of a local dog look-alike contest... He does look exactly like his dog!



Ok, that's just mean

Accused Rapist Found Not Guilty Using ‘Todd Akin Defense’

Dequincy, LA — In a move that is shocking the nation today, the Honorable Judge Paul Horner of Dequincy Louisiana, reversed the guilty verdict of accused rapist Daryl James Thompson based on what the judge is calling the ‘Todd Akin Defense’. Horner said that since it was legitimate rape and that the victim actually got pregnant from Thompson, it proves the man could not have raped her. This announcement comes just days after Republican Todd Akin’s controversial comments aired on a St. Louis TV station. “If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down,” Akin said on Sunday.

Thompson was in court today for sentencing. This is when Horner announced he was reversing the jury’s unanamous guilty verdict from two weeks prior. Horner then dismissed all charges, apologized to Thompson for his time and then released him from custody. The decision by the judge is making headlines not just because the victim was able to positively identify her rapist and the baby she gave birth to matched Thompson’s DNA exactly, but because this is now the first accused rapist to be found not guilty using this new ‘Todd Akin Defense’.
Brandon Adams who was the State’s Prosecutor on the case said he was stunned by the judges decision and is now worried about future cases involving rape. “What Judge Horner did here today will set a precedent that can now be used in any future and past rape cases. Any rapist who impregnated a woman can now use the ‘Todd Akin Defense’. The scary part is this also applies to anyone in prison who is currently serving time for their crime,” Adams said. “We could realistically see thousands of violent rapists back on the streets in the next 30-90 days.”
Outside the Courthouse, Reverend Matt Johnson from the Holy Lovers Methodist Church in Dequincy talked to reporters and said he supports the judges decision. “Judge Horner is doing god’s work,” Johnson said. “Republican Todd Akin is an amazing man and his beautiful words spoken the other day have inspired a remarkable person like Paul Horner to let an innocent man remain free. We have to obey what our elected officials like Akin say, and that is exactly what Judge Horner did. Our god is truly shining his everlasting love down on the town of Dequincy today.”
Family members of the rape victim said they don’t agree with the judge’s decision today whatsoever. The victim’s father spoke briefly to reporters before leaving with the other members of the family who were there for sentencing. “Judge Horner is completely insane and not living in this century. He’s out of touch with society and someone needs to legitimately rape him.”
The family of Daryl James Thompson has setup a hotline so people can send in their donations to help others wrongly found guilty of rape. They say the funds collected will be used for attorney fees to help those currently in prison be released as soon as possible.

Leaked BBM chat conversation between a female student and a guy bargaining for money & sex

Leaked BBM chat conversation between a female student and a guy bargaining for money & sex

 

I have no words. Young ladies, this is not the way to go! Not at all! To save the girl any embarrassment, I cropped out her face and BB name from the convo. Read the rest after the cut...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1st Lady food poison story: The main truth

 

I have no way of confirming most of these political news but I trust those who get the stories...below is something I read on Transparencyng.com...

A spokesperson for the Horst Schmidt Klinik in Wiesbaden, Germany has revealed that the First Lady, Dame Patience Jonathan was in a bad state of health when she arrived at the hospital last week.

The hospital’s official, who confirmed that initial records showed that Mrs. Patience Jonathan had earlier been treated for food poisoning in Nigeria before being brought to the Horst Schmidt Klinik, however, said she was responding to treatment after she had undergone a major surgery for a ruptured appendix to remove the poisons in her intestine.

During an eight-minute telephone chat yesterday through telephone number +49611433436, a senior consultant of the hospital who spoke on condition of anonymity, said Mrs. Jonathan was brought to the hospital early last week after the management of the hospital had been contacted and briefed on the deteriorating health condition of the first lady.

She said that Mrs. Jonathan was getting better but added that the hospital management would ensure that she was fully fit before she would be allowed to go back to Nigeria.

When we demanded further details, the hospital official said it was improper and unethical for her to make such details available to a third party, ending the call and refusing to pick up subsequent calls.

A reliable source in Aso Rock told us that the decision to take the First Lady to Germany for better treatment was borne out of the fact that her medical aides in Nigeria complained that they could not get accurate diagnosis as a result of insufficient medical facilities in the country.

Twelve days after she left the country, her Media Assistant, Ayo Osinlu, yesterday said there is no definite date yet for her return.

In a telephone conversation yesterday, Osinlu insisted that Mrs Jonathan is on a foreign trip to take a well deserved rest. "I can tell you authoritatively that the First Lady was not lifted by any air ambulance to anywhere, all those things are lies. 

"Nobody is going to put a gun on my head and force me to talk when I have no fresh information," he said.

Asked when the First Lady will return, he retorted: "I don't know. I don't have any information on that.  You don't expect me to call her and ask her when are you returning, is she my mate? Ours is to ensure everything is in order to receive her once her return is made known to us. I do not have fresh information on that".

Osinlu had on Sunday laboured hard to justify Mrs Jonathan's sudden disappearance from the public.

“If you look at her itinerary in August, you will be wondering how she was able to accomplish that,” he told a national daily.

Credit: George Agba, Abiodun Oluwarotimi and Leadership Newspaper.

'I didn't kill my wife' - Rich Oganiru tells his own side of the story

This took a while to type, but you are all worth it...:-). In a telephone conversation with Charles Nwagbara of High Society Magazine, the actor accused of poisoning his wife and selling off her property said he's 100% innocent and that the false stories were planted to defame his character. He told the magazine his own side of the story. See it below

According to him, his late wife took ill over five months ago and was battling fibroid. He explained that they opted for some kind of treatment supervised by German doctors which will prevent normal surgery. But to his dismay, the fibroid kept growing back and causing his wife more pain. Later, they  decided to go spiritual and moved from Abuja to Prophet TB Joshua's synagogue in Ikotun where the prophet gave them emergency appointment based on his personal recognition.

Continue reading...

His wife he said, then suggested they move to her brother's apartment at the Airforce Barracks in shasha. While there, she rejected all the provisions that the actor bought and insisted on having pap prepared by her sister at her brother, Group captain David Aluko's home. After the meal, he said her condition became worse and they decide to move her to Synagogue since the appointment was a few hours from then. Oganiru said his wife refused and told him to take her to the hospital, this he did with the aid of her brother Group captain David. But at the military hospital gate, the woman died. That according to him was when the problem started as the brother became hostile despite his condition which resulted  in his being medicated as the shock of the death of his beloved wife raised his blood pressure. Later when he came to, he discovered that his Air-force  brother inlaw had deposited his wife's body at the morgue and ordered him, Oganiru to go tell their parents that his sister was dead. This the actor said he will do, but demanded the death certificate so as to present to his in-laws to clear himself since the Air-force officer had started insinuating all sorts. 

Group Captain David he said ordered him out of the barracks and he left to his hotel room where he discovered his wife's stuff had been removed and his belongings searched and scattered.
According to Oganiru:

"They even seized the keys to my jeep and my international passport. I had to beg for my things to be returned. When I got the keys and my passport back and David insisted that I cannot have the morgue tag for my wife, I left for our home in Abuja. On arriving there, they had locked me out and carted away eveything that belonged to my wife and even our wedding pictures. Eventually I was allowed inside. 

Three days later some policemen from force headquarters came to arrest me based on a petition written about me that I killed my wife. I was kept in cell with Boko Haram members and I was the one washing for them. The police didn't care about my medication. When they saw my health was getting bad, they released me. I was asked to report two days later to face my accusers. I took some journalist to the house to see how they vandalized my things. That same evening, a group of policemen came in commando style, broke down my window and said I was under arrest. That was how they took me to Asokoro police station after beating me mercilessly and I was bleeding from ear and nose, A few day later, a professor friend came and told them that they should release me or charge me. He insisted that they should do the autopsy and charge me based on that, When nothing was found after the autopsy was conducted, they let me go.

Meanwhile these heartless people have gone ahead to bury my wife without my consent. Now the next thing is that they are on the internet alleging that I poisoned my rich wife for her property. Let me tell you, my wife was a hardworking woman but about being rich, i don't know, otherwise why did we scrape to the bone to find money for her treatment? We live in a rented apartment, so i don't know the property I killed her for that I wanted to inherit. See, the callous people said I also killed my two former wives. My ex wife is alive, healthy and bubbling with my two children. But I know there is God and I must fight this to a logical conclusion. God is with me and my accusers will soon be put to shame. Thank you for calling me to find out the truth